||[Aug. 9th, 2006|08:57 pm]
I haven't cried this much since Chris last year.|
Losing my life long friend is bad enough, but losing everything that used to seperate me from everyone else is worse. I used to take quite a bit of pride in it, and i don't understand how i felt so proud about everything and then it all just managed to float away.
Realising that i now definitely won't be able to do what i've always wanted in life is horrible. All that time and effort, and it's gone to waste. It seems to be all about time.
I've never really though about what a hated person i can be, but it must just be due to how self-centered i am. And i know i am.
It's okay, if anyone does any sort of mick take, i know i've been horrible to certain people, taking the piss out of them, obviously, then secretly, and formulating insults for them in my head. I didn't used to be like this. I deserve every come back journal and every myspace comment.
I'm not as good as i was, and now i see how attractive the world is.